Using Positive Questions to Make Positive Connections

While I was traveling last week, I picked up a book that I have had on my buy list for a few years. It is called Encyclopedia of Positive Questions - Volume One by experts in Appreciative Inquiry, Cooperrider, Whitney, Trosten-Bloom and Kaplin.

At the beginning of the book they offer these 11 ways to use positive questions.

• Get staff meetings off to a good start
• Coach for high performance
• Transform "problem talk" into "possibility talk"
• Create dialogue to foster shared meaning
• Demonstrate positive intent and trust with customers
• Create a learning organization
• Build high performance teams
• Conduct project reviews that make a difference
• Build self-esteem
• Plan a course of action for the future
• Create your own interview guide

Positive questions can do all that?

Asking great questions can make a big difference to how your teams feel and perform. Here are just a few of the questions from the book. I think every manager ought to have a copy of this book.

• Tell me about a time when compelling communication allowed you and another person to really connect and to work together exceptionally well. What was the situation? What was it about you, the other person, and the communication that made this possible?
• Dream into the future...your organization and your community have a wonderful mutual partnership. What does this look like? What three things might have been done in order to create this partnership?
• Tell me about a time when you were part of an exceptional cooperation with a customer or customer group. How did this happen? What made it so special? What did you learn from the experience?
• When you reflect on your time with this organization, what is the greatest contribution it has made to you and your life?
• Where in the organization is participatory decision-making at its best? What contributes to it? How does it work?
• Tell me about a time that was particularly fun at work. What was the high point of this time? What made it fun?
• When people are in leadership positions, what two or three things can they do that will help you be the best you can be?
• If positive energy were the flame of the organization, how would you spark it? How would you fuel it to keep it burning bright?
• What trends and changes are you seeing in the world that excite you and give you a sense of the confidence in the possibilities for the organization's future?

Cool questions and just a sampling. I like questions like these, they help expand the mind and prevent us from going to that cold, dark, cynical small place we all have in our brains (some more than others!).

If you were building the project from the ground up and resources were not a barrier, what would you do?

What's the wildest idea that just might work?

Lead with Positive Energy!

Are you getting your daily requirements? Just like those recommended vitamin quotas for physical health, you could say that there are also "requirements" for our emotional health every day. With recent studies showing that negative emotions can actually affect our health and even our life span, it just seems to me to emphasize how important it is to become aware of our interactions with others on a daily basis, and keep them as positive as possible.

As a matter of fact, experts in the field of positive psychology have found that the frequency of small, positive acts is critical to our overall happiness. Maybe you might think that you don't really deal with that many people each day. But if you start to think about it, you could be surprised.

Whenever you travel anywhere, you're dealing with others. Whenever you buy something or a service, when you need information, when you need to make a complaint, when you need technical assistance, when you have financial transactions – there are so many times a day that we actually have contact with others, whether in person or on the phone. And this is not counting interacting with loved ones or co-workers.

Turning these encounters into positive ones can be very simple. Sometimes just a smile is all that is needed, or simply acknowledging someone's presence, according them the respect you yourself would expect. A "thank you" can work wonders. And, perhaps not surprisingly, when you approach others from a positive point of view, you become more open and more positive as well. Any negative emotions won't have a chance!

Set the example and lead with positive energy!

Situational Leadership

I've recently been searching for a new position with more and different managerial responsibility. During one of my interviews I was peppered with some really tough questions.

One of the final questions was, "If you were in a meeting and had a major disagreement with what someone was saying, how would you respond?" I said something about having to read the person and make a guess about which of several approaches would be better. Some people are fine if you just directly oppose them. Other people don't deal well with that, and you need to ask questions that get them to realize on their own why they are wrong. A lot of my answers were this way, and towards the end of the interview someone in the room asked if I had received "situational leadership" training, because that is the approach I seemed to take.

I went through 'Situational Leadership' training nearly twenty years ago and sent my managers through the same program just a couple years ago - and I try to be a situational leader. The 'One Minute Manager' gives a brief overview, if you've ever read it. New management fads come out every year. I always read up on them, but disagree with much of what they say. Many of these books always make management and leadership seem so simple, and imply that if you just focus on one thing (the fad) then you will be a great manager. I don't think that is true.

Management and leadership are complex because people are complex. Rather than stick to one style or form, leaders should be able to analyze a situation and determine what type of response is best given the parties involved. Sometimes you have to be more directive, sometimes a hands off approach and a pat on the back will get you further. Other times just being more of a trainer and mentor works best. No one will be as effective in each approach, but should at least have it in their repertoire.

I bring this up because I often get tired of seeing these fad books every year, and sometimes I think I should just quit reading all that hype. But now I see it in a little bit different light. Each fad, each style, each book, has some truths in it, and I try to go through it with an open mind and take away what is important. It's important to stay on that lifelong learning path.

I am making a mad dash to re-read my Situational Leadership books. It was one of the most insightful models of doing the right things, at the right time and being flexible enough to be effective with people at every level of their own personal development.